Truthfully, I have tried to post many times over the years but I couldn't find the right words. Knowing you are going to be a Mommy is one thing - you know it will change your life forever, you know there will be challenges and even better times ahead. You never expect to be a single parent though.
There are challenges in life where you are tested by every pull in the universe. You hold on to what you have with every ounce of strength you have left. You refuse to just give up. You refuse to be beaten down. You refuse to accept what's really happening. You know there are things you just simply cannot control and that is the start of a new journey.
That moment when you accept the inevitable and start thinking of ways to rebuild around all of it - its that moment you feel the weight of everything start to lift off your shoulders. You find peace in life when you stop fighting (literally) with the inevitable.
It was never planned in any way shape or form that I would be doing this parenting thing this way. I don't think anyone actually wants to do it by themselves. It comes down to happiness - I was not happy and couldn't continue being that way just so Adriana can have both her parents together. She still has both of us and always will.
When I first wanted to be a Mommy, I was so confident in myself to do it with or without someone by my side. I never changed my thoughts or views on that and to this day I know I am a good Mommy despite the changes these last few years.
This is not a bashing to Dad's out there or a sob story. Its my personal feelings which I keep personal. Take this as an update.
One of my favourite poems is Footprints in the Sand. It holds such true meaning to me ever since I was a little kid in Elementary school. Its a reminder to always have faith in what will be even when you don't think you will make it. Know that there is always a God to help "carry" you along. This comes in many different forms: friends, family, animals, etc.