Three Ways of Avoiding Kryptonite For Super-Moms & Super-Dads
When meeting someone for the first time, the most common follow up question after brief introductions is "What do you do?" And most often than not, people will respond with the job title they have on their business card or what they have posted on their LinkedIn profile.
So, what's wrong with this?
The trouble I find is that so many of us get trapped and our job description easily consumes us and becomes our life description. Something I am familiar with first hand as well as with the clients I work with.
Now if you're reading this, you probably can agree when I say that I believe the main reason we are here at all is to make babies! To cultivate and nurture the next generation of humans to the best of our abilities. To teach them by being powerful and consistent examples. To embody the qualities we wish to instil in them.
This by far I believe is the most important job in the world… next to taking care of our self, of course. You'll see what I mean in a minute.
(Side note: Now I know for a multitude of reasons not all of us want to or will have children, but this conversation applies to you too! We are all part of valuable relationships and what comes next can relate to so many. I hope you receive value in this.)
I truly admire the many mothers and fathers out there who embrace this and pour their hearts and souls to making sure their children have an incredible life.
You inspire me and I personally can't imagine what it's like. But please take what I say next for what it is… coming from a single guy without any children of his own… yet!
You are not superhuman.
And that's okay.
Give yourself permission to stop being so hard on your self for not being enough, doing enough or having enough.
I see so many of my friends and clients who are loving, generous and selfless parents. I watch them working their butts off to be providers, surviving on less sleep and rearranging their lives and relationships for their kids.
But being SuperMom and/or SuperDad means you have to face your kryptonite… Burn out.
You can only run your life at full tilt for so long. Low self care, weight gain, stress, pressure of being a parent is the eventual result.
So how do we avoid this?
I'm sorry. But it's unavoidable.
I'm not here to sugarcoat it and tell you that there are people in the world who have limitless energy, give continuously and experience balance and joy ALL of the time.
There is no magic formula. There is no one size fits all solution.
What I can tell you is this… There are parents just like you who spend quantity and quality time with their children, maintain a strong, passionate connection with their partner, earn a good living, have free time, go on dates, have time to hang with friends, have healthy and nourished bodies, find fulfilment… and they seem to be able to do it all!
Sounds great, right?
Now if you look deeper you will see that it's not rainbows and unicorns all of the time. And that doesn't make it good or bad. It just means it's hard work.
But imagine... what it would be like to feel and be all of the above, especially in the moments where it matters most.
To have that extra bit of compassion, attention and love when your partner or your child needs it most? To be centred, emotionally aware and strong during the tougher moments? To be patient, thoughtful and open when it would be much easier to be bossy, imposing and demanding.
Take it for what it is, but the following are insights that have greatly helped me and the people I work with.
It Starts With You... Yeah, you.
We must first give to our selves before we can give to another.
It's just like when riding on an airplane. During emergency situations when the oxygen mask drops down in front of you, the first person to place the mask on is your self. Yes, even before your child or loved one.
Put in another way. Imagine your energy, will power and presence is like a cup full of water. Every time you share your self with another you pour a little bit here and there and before you know it... the cup is empty!
These are some practices that help you fill your own cup. To give to your self first so that you can be more present, attentive, loving, generous and compassionate for those you care about most when it matters most.
Write down ten things you can do on a daily basis that make you feel great. Throughout the day start checking them off!
Some suggestions could be to meditate, experience gratitude, reading for 15 minutes, hugging my children, exercise, going for a walk, taking my vitamins, taking a nap, laughing, etc.
This daily practice has been life changing for me and my clients.
Date Your Self
This is one of my favourites. It is also one of the most challenging to do for the first time. This is about cultivating a nourishing relationship with your self. To give your self down time. Solo time. To eliminate the noise and rejuvenate.
Ask yourself: If I were to go on a date with myself what would I do?
Some suggestions could be to go out to dinner (dessert included!), watch a movie, see a play, spend time in nature or near water or try doing something new!
Again these are just some suggestions. Feel free to be creative.
I made a short video about solo-dates called: "Solo Dates, Self-Love and Dating Oneself"
You can view it here.
Attitude of Gratitude
Gratification is getting something you don't already have. Gratitude is wanting what you do have.
It's about acknowledging, appreciating and being thankful for the people and things you have in your life.
Right when you wake up and before you go to bed, think about… actually FEEL what you are grateful for in your life.
Every day will be different but experience the gratitude you have for the friends and family in your life. The support of your partner. The gift that is your child. Living in a safe and loving home.
It can also be as simple as being grateful for having food in the fridge, gas in the car to get around or listening to music that moves you.
All in all, I feel that as individuals begin to take responsibility back for their well-being and cultivate a healthy sense of self, we can actually make the world a better place. Starting with our selves, being an example and influencing and impacting those around us helps shape our environment in a more beautiful light.
Try practicing some of these the next seven days and see how you feel. Would love to hear your stories and experiences!
Peace & Love.
Oliver Manalese is an Executive Consultant & Coach focusing on these main principles: know thyself, love thyself, express thyself. The bulk of our reality which includes the quality, integrity and well-being of our health, finances, relationships and work is all a by-product of our depth of understanding and continual growth in each of these three areas. This holistic approach to personal transformation provides the tools and insights for individuals to find alignment with their true self and will have a long-term, positive impact beyond the duration Oliver’s coaching programs. Oliver is also an entrepreneur, a licensed real estate professional, singer-songwriter, whole foods lover and certified Yoga Instructor.
For more visit: www.olivermanalese.com