I came across this great article that really opened my eyes! Courtesy of Disney Baby. It talks about how new mothers are focused on being the best mom a baby could have but it points out that sometimes we don't let the men be the best Dads a baby could have. Throughout most of my pregnancy, I know I wondered what type of parent I was going to be. How I was going to do things, and how I was going to get through it. Selfishly, I never stopped once to think about how my boyfriend was going to be. Its so common when you're caught up with being pregnant - doctor visits, ultrasounds, blood work, eating healthy, exercise, baby shower, setting up the nursery, etc - that you sometimes forget about Dad in it all.
I wasn't sure how my boyfriend would feel about certain things so I kept him in the loop of it all. He knew he was more than welcome to come to the doctor visits, ultrasounds, etc but unfortunately they were scheduled in the early evening when he was still at work. We agreed it was better for him to make the money (so we can save for baby) rather than join me for my 15mins doctor appointment! Some people didn't agree with it, as they thought my boyfriend should be there through every little appointment, every test, everything.
When that big day came, there was one moment when my boyfriend held Adriana in the hospital room. He just stared at her for a long while, quiet. I didn't dare interrupt him during this time. I have made an assumption this was when his reality set in - he really was a Dad.
So Mommies out there....don't forget about the daddies. They are probably just as excited and anxious about the new bundle of joy coming. Those men need to learn how to be dads but we need to let them. Schedule baby and daddy time, whether its just to bathe them, put them to bed or feed them that last bottle. My boyfriend works long hours - starts at 630am and goes til 8pm - so bed time is his time with Adriana. We have a routine that works and he still gets to see his little girl before she's off to bed!
This is also the time Mommy pours herself a glass of wine.............
Only the other day I had a conversation with a friend about letting dads be dads! My friend has a friend who is very controlling and anxious as a mummy and she won't let her husband do ANYTHING! She won't let him learn how to do some of the every day care things properly but will get angry at him when he's not perfect and she won't let him have any bonding time alone with the baby! Bath time used to be their special time together but then she insisted on climbing into their bath with them! Mum, dad and baby all in one bath each night! Um...cosy...
ReplyDeletePoor husband...
In my household we design our time specifically so we each get me-time, family time and one on one bonding time. It's not a perfect system yet (life is busy and unpredictable of course), but we think it's all very important. My husband loves taking my Little Mister in the swimming pool and having bath time together. On nights before he goes to work (shift work) he'll put him to bed and when he finishes his stint (four days or so) of shift work he'll do it as well.
So important!
It's more common than one would think! As mothers, you want to protect your baby but we have to realize that Dads can do that too. They NEED to learn how to protect them, care for them, and of course love them! This is a learning experience for them and possibly the most rewarding thing about having a baby!! Hopefully your friend steps back soon and enjoy WATCHING their bonding time instead of being involved all the time. She may be used to it but eventually she will need a break from mothering. Good Luck to her and her family!
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